Blue through Grey

Don’t give up

Don’t give in

Keep on fighting you will win

Hold me close

Look through my eyes

I am your blue through the grey

9 years ago, when I was facing my darkest times when I was diagnosed with an incurable genetic illness ( in mans eyes) when they told me also were my babies carrying this gene. God spoke these words to my heart.

9 years on, I look at the journey and I look at the trials and the pain, and the tears. I look at the highs and the lows, I look at the good and the bad. I wonder how my family is still standing, how they are still smiling, how in the face of things many families have never even witnessed we are still standing, still fighting. Still wanting to go another day for Jesus.

This week as we faced another moment to crumble another situation that wouldn’t solve itself over night but was another massive life change, I watched as my kids and I had moments of wobbles, moments of tears. Moments if we are honest of ” Let’s go back to Egypt” as the Israelites complained. It was easier before ministry began, we were “normal”

The brightness in the sky seemed to be unseen this week. Persecution is never easy, but when it keeps coming relentless you feel like a wounded soldier ready for respite and even to give over our stripes, and hand in your beret. Yet still we stand, yet still we will rise ! Yet still we will praise you Jesus, yet still we will……

For by my God I can mount a wall.

Praying for us to stay strong

Jai x

Another musical written

Thank you Jesus that’s all I have to say today. Epic academy this afternoon still on the road at 10:31 on way home from serving Jesus ! Another musical down and ready to go…… God you are faithful even though the last few months have been crazy and the last month I have felt a huge attack on my body with many moments of tears and pain intolerable levels. The power of communion, two nights ago broke the back of a week of agony… doctors diagnosis do not stand in the face my Jesus !

Today I was with those I love and those God has given me such a love for in a few short months laughing my socks off with Shellie Bakewell … ( you know who you are 🥰) Thank you Jesus for your family!!!

Today as I looked at a room of young people dancing and singing for you Father I knew at that moment that this is all I ever want to do ….. cities or towns, field or traffic, Jesus this is not my life, I surrender and lay it down …. do with it as you will, for in your Presence in your will is total safety !

Let it be ….. let the Prodigal musical arise !

Here we go again South and North July is coming up !!!

Stay strong

Jai x

Crumbs under the covers at 1am

So in my last I shared the value of the fast the benefit to the soul.

Yet it wouldn’t be fair to omit the laughter that this has brought in copious amounts of a fellow sister following the fast too. For I believe that even the Lord loves to hear the banter of His kids as they do something of benefit yes, but produces some dying to self.

Like one of those moments when your 5 year old walks into a conservatory glass door because it is so well polished and you want to run and cuddle and do, but the chuckles come too as he’s not really hurt and you know it. That is what I believe Daddy was doing at 1am as we bantered.

Who would have thought hay would be so yummy ! Irony is we see so many farms here and all I can see is my breakfast, sitting in my bowl with almond milk surrounding it. The joy when my son proclaims with yet another vegan meal “This is actually getting better… what I mean is your getting better at making these taste good ” I reply with ” erm… maybe you should stop digging darling” the hole was getting larger !

At 12.05 am when your phone pings and your awake coz your body decided 8:30pm was a good time for a nap and now you are awake ! Hangry – yes not hungry … and your in bed not sleeping … your husband is next to you. You look at the phone having swopped pictures of recipes you could try and then get into a banter about what to eat at 12.30am.

“oh Have you tried the Bakewell tart nakd ?”

Just wait before you switch off the blog .. I wasn’t being rude ! The only sweet thing to eat is Nakd bars , and I had found the above flavour, however on what’s app I suddenly realised that sounded obscurity and I could sense her eyebrows raising … thank goodness the 🤣 emoji was the next thing to ping ! Phew, defriending avoided !

The conversation continued ” Get something to eat , haven’t you got anymore cardboard or polystyrene in the house?”

Laughing out loud I stirred my husband that was asleep next to me, clearly had filled up on hay and oat milk before he slept, he awakens ” What’s so funny?” Me hilariously creasing up with laughter.

As I go onto share how hungry I am, he goes kindly to the kitchen to get my all time favourite ( all right tolerable ) cardboard with wallpaper glue on ….( aka) almond butter. Is it just me or does it take everyone about 10 minutes to scrape this substance off the roof of your mouth ! I used to love this stuff, but the combo of this and cardboard and I have to say you can still be finding bits hidden in your under lip even after a good electric tooth brush session and a cup of coffee ( strike that through) I mean water !!! I was half tempted to get the jet wash from downstairs and use it as a mouthwash the other day after my third sitting of this delicious delicacy. Yummy.

So when these arrived at my bedside my stomach was saying, “don’t care just feed me” so down they went ( slowly ) and with a few stops in the gullet to line, I mean stick to the sides ! Chomping away, I suddenly realised why last night in my beautiful four poster respite bed I hadn’t slept !

Hmm, combo of 5 year old leg and elbow in my eye and rib cage and what I dreamt was wood shavings chafing my skin all night !

Soon it dawned on me, my delightful bed time vice has spread its way into my bed sheets and the cardboard was now coming back at night to scratch me ! Darn you Ryvita!

How can one get so desperate when the conversation amidst belly laughing and trying not to wake my hosts, our children or move too much so as not to Chaff my skin or get it stuck going down. As it changed to the desperation of checking out our dogs biscuits…. for contraband ingredients , discussing how we could dunk them!!

God is good all the time and even out of painful flesh crucifying has come the most fun of times, in text and in shops.

People look at you very weirdly as your husbands pries your fingers off the galaxy bars like a toddler and says ” No…. don’t look you know your not allowed” and you go kicking and screaming ( not really) from the chocolate aisle.

Even that didn’t work in my mind, or my unfortunate knowledge of Nutrition from my study years …. why did I ever study and have knowledge ! Ignorance is bliss right ?

In all the fun and heart warming banter, I have learnt some serious things. Like, how much fun it is too cook ! I’m joking! I do cook, but having to take time to make things from my head!! That has been both stretching and exciting as I pop on a podcast to build my spirit, chop up another sweet potato and blend vegetables to hide them in sauces ( sorry kids ) !!

As the children tuck into a PIZZA 🍕!!! Yes I said Pizza, you know that yummy, yeasty breaddie, warm, squishy cheesy delight, I will praise the Lord for my cardboard and glue …. now where is that pressure washer

Stay strong and Hoover the bed sheets !

Jai xx

Chasing Fathers heart comes at a price.

So, we are having a well needed respite break, in Beautiful countryside in a beautiful place, beautiful cheese shops beautiful ice cream places, fudge shops. Beautiful people that allowed the love of God to shine through them, by allowing Christian workers like us to have respite, time away….. to breathe, in their beautiful house that we are staying in

All these things are beautiful and really yummy and yet this time we are walking past the rustle of the wax papered cheese, the fudge in delicate ribbon wrap and the ice cream that melts in the mouth. For we are seeking something more beautiful – His presence.

As the new year began, our amazing new home church announced a Daniel Fast, as a church, for 21 days. A period of time to seek God and to be more in tune with His presence. Even the kids are involved.

In this blog post I will share the majesty of His presence, the value… in the next… the light hearted banter of friends being vegan and chatting on text at 12:30 am, it really is not right to mix the two!

As the days go on, God has been showing me to run to Him first, that without distractions of sugar and craving I needed to run to Him more anyway ! But His presence is something that sugar and dairy will never replace, that I have missed Him, I have side stepped from His love when all daddy wanted was to draw close to His girl and the busyness of life had made me miss His calls some days.

But here in the now, in the place of no distractions to food, I hear my flesh scream as I chose life, to crucify my flesh when it wants to play up, that I turn my face to Daddy, that I turn my heart to His word.

This is my first looong fast and I can say, I have never felt such benefit of being close.

When my husband and I sat to get an answer from the Lord and an identical sentence came through to both of us, tears welled up! How easy it is to Hear Daddy, He’s always been speaking clear.

But like a radio trying to tune into a station, the distortions from other electrical frequencies and stations come through. It’s not until you move yourself to another place a silent spot, down the distractions and listen you here the station clear.

Daddy forgive me for distractions and thank you for leading me into this place where I can die to me and live for you

Stay strong

Jai x

The Dance of Trust

Being a dancer, you get taught technique. Way to hold yourself, place your feet. Hold your head, your poise, your body aches as you manipulate it into the place it is “supposed” to go.

If Trust were like a genre of dance, there would be absolutes, placement that was wrong and placement that was right. You would know if you were on pointe or off. Your peers in your class would know if you were grade perfect or if you were failing.

But Trust, trust is not a dance, or knowing and position. The trust dance is when you take a step and it’s not a known, a given a graded placement. It’s like stepping in the dark in the night when the lightbulb has broken and you need to move quickly down the stairs. It’s knowing the familiar feel of the carpet and the tread of the steps, yet the unknown is just that unknown. The dance of trust is knowing who is your staircase, who is the familiar tread as you step, but not knowing if your foot is turned out, in first, fourth or second position.

In the Trust dance, none of that matters. As the smoke clears and the lights come back on, as you see the end of the dance, where your feet have landed… you know that you were safe and your dance partner, the Father of all Fathers had your every step.

Every dance of Trust is never known, the process the steps, there is no syllabus’s to pass but, exams are passed every time… because His word, IS the given, the known.

Trust you Daddy

Stay strong

Jai xx

He does it again and again

My God is faithful and He can’t be out given.

What the enemy meant for Harm MY GOD turned round for His glory.

Right up until the last moment before we went on stage in Birmingham this weekend, the enemy tried and popped at our family, and those around us. It was the last straw when the missing fireplace prop, that God replaced miraculously Saturday night, flew off the roof on the way to the performance smashing all over the motorway, that we sat and laughed in the face of our enemies !

This last 3 months:

We have lost our house to mice

Skipped half of our home belongings to mice and vermin.

Lived in a motorhome conversion for 7 weeks in the cold

The awning flipped over the roof it was so windy.

Taken showers in so many places, washed in large plastic tubs! Oh yes … I know!

Felt and seen our breath inside for nights

Travelled up and down and had two major blow outs on tyres.

Lost props, found them, had them damaged

Lost costumes or DPD did TWICE £500 worth of goods ! One day before show !

One of the main cast went sick on the weekend of the show.

Driven up a understudy from Surrey !

BUT GOD !!!!!

He moved on the hearts of thousands of people on Sunday morning as the testimonies roll in…. we want for nothing He has the glory !! He did miracles !!!! He is providing more than we could imagine in healing hearts of those around, he’s building team and family !!

We have the best family in the world in our church, our pastors rock and we are so blessed to have God building team around us, people wanting to help and be involved.

I wanna shout out to the best Daddy in the world ! He alone is worthy, and neither death nor life nor anything else in all creation will separate this family from what God has called us to do! We love you Daddy, we love where you sent us and we love the people we serve and those we reach.

Please pray for the next 3 shows ! He is indeed on the move !!

” I have been so blessed this Christmas time, to spend time with the Crick family at rehearsals for Above the Musical and then also, to be part of the audience during a performance in Birmingham. God has woven so much into this piece of theatre, that it literally just saturated my soul with God’s truth and wisdom. The songs are uplifting and the words spoken just echo in your heart. Prepare to be moved by God’s spirit and touched by this incredible family who have a heart for God and a heart for you…

Rachel Matthews

*please be aware I work part time so am not always able to respond immediately*

Regional Producer and Coordinator for Central England

07882 789805


Stay strong Jai x

I’ll be home for Christmas

Many have said “You should so write a book” the testimonies and journeys of those around us in this our journey we could write a book.

Not a bad view from your bedroom window. When you wake up in the morning, but what if your bedroom window was a Big yellow skoolie!!

3 months ago I would never have believed that we would be hearing this Christmas song and it be the real world …. our world.

Technically not “Homeless” as we are staying in a half converted Skoolie, but we don’t have a place to call our own at this moment. As we are between houses, forced out our house by little mice. As I look around me, the worldly goods we had ( and we had bare minimum ) have been stripped to basics ! Around me in the bus, is a few belongings each of us. What we could pack in a bag and bring into the space.

My little buddy, turned 5 in the bus ! Not many children can say that ! It’s been a really testing time. As we walk and drive past houses with trees all aglow, and festive lights lit around windows. I hear the sigh in my children’s hearts and I see it in their eyes, and if truth be known, it’s there in mine too, just hidden.

It has felt like the world has stopped and we have kept going and going and going. In many ways, that’s how it has felt, we haven’t stopped. We don’t say it grudgingly but we could so so do with some time off now and we were so looking forward to Christmas time in our home in The Midlands and now … well now we are on miracle territory. What has Father planned for this period of time, I don’t know. However I do know, it is GOOD. Only GOOD comes from Him, none of this persecution and trials are from Him. John 10:10.

I know He will use what the enemy has meant for harm and turn it around.

As we gear up for our shows, first this weekend and then two more, we know that we are in His will, we know that we have done as He has asked of us this term, and we will see an expected end a desired result. He will have the glory and His name will be glorified.

As my girl said as we threw more stuff away to the skip “We had fun getting it, we will have fun getting it again” He is no mans debtor !

Pray for us this weekend and the next two as we serve Him, through musical theatre productions from North to South.

Stay strong Jai x