Evict that noisy neighbour

I am feeling very spoilt today again. I have made and am making a very special join of hearts with a new lady I have met here in my new home town. Today I was treated to a Italian !!!! I sat in a beautiful garden and had three amazing hours, talking theatre and mission🥰

Oh my word !!!!! Favourite food now

After a very full on weekend of rehearsals all day Saturday and then again Sunday my body was telling me I had overdone it. I love what we do with Jesus, and this body needs to catch up with the program !!

Living alongside Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Pots, sjorns and a myriad of other diagnosis. I like to say I live alongside as I don’t believe that this diagnosis has a right to be in my body, I am His child and I know His will is for me to be well, so I don’t want to say “living with”

When you live “with” someone they are “hopefully” invited !

We don’t always get to pick our neighbours

But when someone comes to live alongside you, they are not their by invitation. Now I hope you have wonderful neighbours, ones that can bless you with earthly hours of music and not all night raves. I have a friend who has this experience and I can say in many ways having an uninvited neighbour in the form of these diseases is much like this.

The fireworks that go off in your sleep, when your trying to rest with pain, the music that thumps through the walls with pain, the smile of the BBQ or the wood burner that makes your dry eyes smart and hurt. The loud grass cutting in the morning as you try and wake your system to think….. sickness is an uninvited neighbour I live “ alongside” and not with.

See I have come to realise that this patch my borderlines is my garden, my place of faith the body He wants me to walk in is whole and well, He came that I may have life and life to an abundance !

This is my garden in His eyes

So I just wanted to encourage any of you that are living “with” that sickness that this is your garden, don’t tolerate it lying down, this is your bit of life, your beautiful place, your precious garden your life. Sickness may have come to live “ alongside” you, but you don’t learn to live with it. Squatters are illegal in my country, and if you didn’t invite it to come ( who does ) then you have a right to stand with your father God and pray for the eviction of this in your garden. Grab the healing Scriptures, agree with your father God and place that order down.

Give it packing orders

So to all those living alongside noisy neighbours, smoke filled gardens and music that thumps, I hold you close to my heart and I am praying with you, and for you.

We can do this, I pray you find rest and strength

Staying strong

Jai x

Goodbye Dad …. Please share Jesus.

One of the things about losing someone is that it brings back so many memories of loss gone before. Today my father in law closed his eyes , on the 8th year birthday of Manna. As I sit here I remember how it felt to lose my own dad when I was just 18 years old.

I remember the day

Why is it, that sometimes you bury grief. When you lose your dad at 18 years old, your just married and you somehow bury it amongst all the other life that is swirling around you. Then you grow, you change, seasons move, and another loss triggers that pain to be unearthed for the first time.

Maybe your heart knows you are able to deal with it better now? Today I sit here and try and let it sink in that my father in law is not here anymore. He’s gone. Yet the last conversations I had with him, he wanted nothing to do with Jesus, with anything to do with church, with God or heaven. Yet, we going over and over in my mind, could we have done more? Could we have spoken to him more of Jesus….. the thoughts run over and over.

People have always needed to hear about Jesus, that has never changed…but when it’s this close to home, you realise how fragile and temporary life is. One day talking with him, next day …gone. More than ever we need to be sharing Jesus, sharing and loving but most of all “showing” SHOW people Jesus. BE JESUS.

When your tested and tried – Be Jesus

When your hurt and wounded – Be Jesus

When your persecuted and ridiculed – Be Jesus

When someone uses you – Be Jesus

When someone mocks you – Be Jesus

When someone hates you – Be Jesus

When someone takes from you – Be Jesus

When someone hurts you – Be Jesus

For WE may be the only Jesus they will ever see – for by being what He would have been, we will show our Jesus to others.

As the flowers of the field here today and gone tomorrow

So, today I sit here …. Thoughtful and grieving . What opportunities have I missed to share and be Jesus to Ray. Could I have done more, undoubtedly I could. Never again will I miss the chance to share, to be Jesus to those around me, life lessons are sometimes the hardest to learn through. When you lose someone, someone you love.

Today I remember Ray, I remember your sarcastic humour that lives on in your son my husband, I remember the TV you bought me when ours blew up all those 20 years ago newly wedded. I remember the Sherry you like the BBQ’s you made, the war stories you shared and the camping trips you told me of. I remember your hugs and the many meals around the table in Sussex and the Choc ices you gave me. The wallpaper bags from brewers to make our first home nice.

The number of times you teased me when we washed up together for putting the cutlery away wrong! Dad ( Ray) you were a pillar in the family to your boys and grandkids and loved by so many. We will miss you. I’m just sorry covid rules stole from us not being able to see you as a family before we could get to you.

Be Jesus – you may be the only person that is.

Staying strong


8 years of full time ministry – Happy Birthday 🎂 Manna

As I sit and marvel at the goodness of God, we sit on the Eve of our 8 year Anniversary of being in the Ministry.

80% of those that enter full time ministry quit after 5 years. Only 4% are still in ministry after 8 years

Focus on the Family
My plans for you are for good and not evil to give you a future and a hope.

As I read that statistic, it hit me….. we made it to the 4%!

Over the last 8 years we have had many many times we wanted to quit. Even yesterday I watched my little lad playing in the paddling pool. I watched him playing, over the fence I saw a mum in her garden she was home from work her uniform logo on her shirt and I realised I was in her category. “Working mum” Or was I ?

Is ministry work for works sake or a call from a Father to just “ Walk in the plans He has for me” Surely if this was His plan, I was able to trust Him with my little pool splashing lad. I longed to be down there and play, but I was sitting with policies and ministry work as we near our first show in 2 years for Jesus. Can I trust Him, with our children, can I trust that He who has called us is able to keep my children too.

Then I hear the music

I hear from the recesses of the house music, music made for ministry for the stage for those that come to hear His word. For the shows are not entertainment for entertainment sake they are Life speakers, word givers and soul changing catalysts to bring people to Him. My children are covered in the secret place, for in His will is the safest place, the safest place.

He’s not causing those wilderness places we have walked through, maybe we have gotten out of the path, good intentions, good ideas and not Gods. Maybe we have bowed to the intimidation of men and led the ministry wrong at times due to not standing for what we knew He had called us to do, instead listening to fear of opinion or holding to people we needed to let their opinions go.

Are we building His walls ?

As we sit in the month before the next musical about Nehemiah and rebuilding of the walls, I can feel the pains of the man I wrote of, the sandabllets have come in droves at times to batter the vision . “ The arts for Jesus !” “ Why don’t you separate ministry and the drama side” “ Just hire a little community hall and perform like a little play” “ Your JUST one family, why not wait until you have a bigger team” “ Maybe you should join forces with someone that has done this before come under their vision” “ Oh, just do a little bit for a few months and scale it all down”

The voices they came, BUT when you KNOW that which you know He’s shown you. Even though the seed be small to begin, when you see the picture in your heart, the vision burns, you know your have heard from Jesus , you have to silence the voices and build. With dust in your face, with the time behind you, the renewing of your mind process been developing over years, when time has proven the call. You have to stand and declare- “I will build the wall’s”

Growing up in Jesus in the ministry is tough I won’t deny it has always been easy and in many ways we have had opportunities to quit, the sandballet thoughts have come …..

“Why are you doing this crazy driving around , for what !” “ But look at the amount of sponsorship you have – look what you could earn if you worked somewhere else, go back to being a PA, a tutor full time, why don’t YOU go and perform and leave the teaching stuff” “ Your not normal, your not a normal family – don’t you want a normal life” “ Your standing for your health, just stop and get well and then do it”

Oh yes, the voices come in my own head….. BUT GOD SAID GO ! So you dig deep, wipe the tears from your eyes, saddle your loins with strength and keep walking.

When I sit in a rehearsal directing a show and a visitor watches and the Holy Spirit is at work as tears stream down her face as Jesus touched her. I silence the voices.

“Father, Sir…. Use me , send us…… nothing is a sacrifice to serve you Lord…. Silence my selfishness and desires and let me see and know the joy in knowing we are walking in your will”


Happy birthday Manna Theatre company, Happy Birthday vision and call, I welcome and embrace you, I throw a party in your honour Holy Spirit – thank you for helping me kill my flesh and keep walking.

Stay strong Jai

Ripping the plasters …..

It’s time to heal

Why is goodbye both full of pain and also a letting go of a grief that then can heal?

Sometimes the letting go of things that are meant to float away is like tearing off a plaster slowly, why can’t it be done all at once?

Should it be quick and painful for a moment or slow and prolonged as you grit your teeth in the slow pain.

Once the plaster is off you realise the wound is healing, there maybe a scar but soon to be seen as a battle wound that was overcome and one that is now able to heal and you can ….

You can live again, no longer a slave to your memories, no longer a slave to the demands and fear of having to keep those memories alive and over and over, they taunt you.

Hope can live again, hope rises and you see you can be strong once again. Broken promises become stepping stones to take you higher and broken dreams become your ladder to a better place. A stronger place.

When I comfort my little boy as he falls I cradle him, I cradle him and I comfort and calm his fears, now is the time to allow my father to take my scars and my wounds and remove the plasters so the wound can heal, and I can let go.

So goodbye memories, He heals the broken hearts and binds up their wounds curing their pains and sorrows. He makes us rise again and silenced the voices and rebuilds my walls.

To all those who hurt or are hurting, I pray you too can allow Father to rip away the band aid be it slow or fast and you can see the wound and scar for what it is – another place that He held and called you a warrior a victor, that you can move to new things and allow your heart to be held again and trust.

Staying strong

Jai x

Back at it again …. missions

When lockdown happened I wondered how long it would be before we could ever do anything God called us too as a family.

Tonight, we are able to once again outreach with Cinema M16:15 outreach on the side of our Big yellow bus to YWAM. A youth camp will watch a Christian film outside and we are praying for lives to be touched and changed for Jesus under the stars.

Popcorn boxes made by the dozens ! Popcorn everywhere !

Popcorn flew all over the kitchen floor and stuck to our feet as the familiar smell of ministry came again, who would have thought popcorn and ministry could be in the same sentence? We started cinema outreach for the community years ago and during covid it was shut down but tonight it is back and Gods Good news is being played to lots of youth and adults. It is an honour to serve you Jesus and be able to share who you are with so many once again.

Coke and Popcorn what could be nicer

Stay strong – He’s calling the prodigals home

Jai x

A little taste of Heaven


Today I had the most wonderful treat. I was taken to a little cafe that is so aptly named

“A little taste of Heaven” up here in the north. If you could find a house that was just “me” this would be 💯 me.

Lavender and vintage and old wooden tables and so vintage I could have moved in. It was amazing, breathtaking and boy did I feel spoilt! The first ever afternoon tea I have had. I know that’s a little strange when your 41 but hey !

It was so worth the wait and this place …. Has Jesus bathed all over it ! I sat for nearly 1:30 hours with a beautiful sister in Jesus and laughed as the rain poured down under the vintage gazebo it reminded me of the bus, but so much more special as the rain tipped onto the canvas the vintage love just shined even more.

Look at this food

The food was something else so delicately made and the presentation was stunning, pink lemonade and cakes and vintage China plates and cups, my family would have loved this if they were here. But today I got to enjoy some time out and relax and be after a long season of being shut up, inside. Hearing people laughing and enjoying one another again, humanity at its best. Loving one another and being people that God made us to be in fellowship.

Pink lemonade !!!!

Did I tell you we had pink lemonade 😋

In our theatre company we get to know one another with a question session, if I were to be asked where I would go to relax and be I would now have a new place to say….

Little Taste of Heaven…. For today between a friend and a new friend made Sarah who runs the cafe, I have found a happy place that has left me with a BIG smile and a spring in my step. Thank you Jesus for sending me a chance to be still and in a place that is totally all “me”. So if you ever want to know what I am like visit this little place, take a deep breath and this is what we want the Manna building yo be like – bring on the field and the labourers – I am bursting with vision 🙂

Feeling strong

Jai x

“Gobbies” the joy of little people homeschooling and growing

My little man is not so little now, but the last 6 months he has taken to growing ! Avidly. our lovely friend Jackie who makes the most amazing jam, inspired him to grow and boy have my boys grown. We have a patio covered in growing things. Their papa is the most amazing gardener, in the world and along with nana they have run a gardening business.

To see my youngest and eldest boy every morning tending to their growth is so moving. Watering cans and trowels. Who would have imagined my 21 year old son would go into a shop to look for plant food, it’s kinda sweet to see them together planting and tending things.

Little lad has always had a love for “Gobbies” as he’s always called them, and now he’s growing his own and tonight we shall make jam in honour of Jackie!

Growth, it takes time and patience, it takes moments of sadness and moments of joy as you can’t see what is happening below the soil ! There is times when you want to dig up the roots, just to make sure that it is all doing what it is meant too. Just to see proof !

But God doesn’t work like that, He desires trust, when we sow love, His word, a seed financially…. We don’t always see what He is doing, but be assured when we follow His word and when we walk in love, we have assurance that the Gobbies will grow . They will come up, they will bear fruit.

The fruit of little rubbery hands !

Sowing and waiting is not always easy, but even when the rain pours down and the wind batters the seedlings 🌱 if the roots are planted in Jesus – watch out your Gobbies are coming

Staying strong

Jai x

God Hold us in the eye of the storm ☔️

Leading, no one said it would be easy, when you look at the giants of faith in the word, those that stood in storms and against odds, it is just on ink and paper. The emotions and the feelings are not always portrayed in depth, so sometimes their fight looks easy, it was over in a chapter or a book.

Reality is different, if we had walked their walk the chapter would have spanned days and months and years and the fight of faith would have been filled with tears, wanting to quit and moments of victory and strength but if we had heard the heart, walked their walk would be surprised by our own walks in leading?

I question, sometimes why God did you call us ? We are just like any other of your children. You have the wrong family, you have the wrong gal, I’m not built for this.

Perseverance, begins with the same letter as persecution, same length of word almost but oh such differences in the internal strength needed to get push through.

Jesus promised we would have to stand, we would face our Judas’s our naysayers, those that hate the word and we would be persecuted for His name sake, but ….. when you walk it and you feel the battle rage around you, why do we often feel like the disciples in the boat … afraid… alone and not able to see the end of the eye of the storm.

When one storm happens and is stilled and another comes, when you see victories and horizons and land and then the waves again

At Bible college we are taught if your not being persecuted your probably not in the right Lane, the enemy doesn’t attack unless he’s threatened. Am I the only one that sometimes all though, knows that this is the call the purpose, sometimes selfishness Creeps in and the island looks nicer and easier than the boat and crossing the lake for a purpose.

Can I not just stop and not do this for a while?

Can I not just give in?

Why do leaders have to lead even when they hurt, are we not allowed to be bandaged and held for a while?

I know those questions, are answered in one word “ Jesus” He holds and heals and carries when we can’t, but sometimes a pair of human arms would feel nice just for a moment. Just to make the clock stop, the questions end and the breath to return.

Walking in love when others hurt is the deepest and hardest sacrifice of praise anyone can ever ask you to walk through. To speak highly of others regardless. If my saviour can do it, I can do it.

Leading, isn’t easy, the fruit and the blessing and the victories are seen but “In this world you will have persecution, BUT be of good cheer I have overcome the world”

Come Lord Jesus – comfort your leaders; your pastors, your five fold ministers those that are battle weary, worn and alone in this hour, those that have faced quitting and still held on for those you’ve sent them. Help those Father that have wanted to quit, to bow to reason and to pressure in these unpredictable times. Jesus, hold us, comfort us and strength and grace to us and your body Jesus. There is so much more to give, let us cross the finish line with grace and victory but most of all love


Jai x

My little girl is 18 !

Today, marks a momentous day as our little girl turns 18. I know most mums are proud of their girls when they turn 18. Some have huge parties and if truth be known, we would have loved to have done so for Ari too. But covid has stopped those desires, to celebrate her today as we would have loved to have done.

So, we took her to have favourite place, to relax, Devon, to the sheep hills to the sunshine to the air that is so fresh and clean. We took her for the birthday weekend to be amongst all this beauty and God has been so amazing, as the sun has shone and the blue skys, meant paddling pools and Lacy games of cricket, and painting USA flags on the side of Big Yellow, and morning breakfasts on picnic benches with watermelon 🍉 ( her favourite ) and presents under the morning sun.

Our daughter, we are so proud of you and all you have become, we are so proud of you, for all your heart and support and encouragement and kindness and prayers and help you give to so many, we are so blessed with you as our daughter, 10 years ago, you were so sick.

We thought we may lose you, those days in hospital were the worsts and here you are today, a beautiful women of God, that is such a blessing to others. We love you !! Thank you, for blessing our lives and so many others, your a true child of God, a True Crick and truest loved.

Happy birthday 🎂

Stay strong always darling

Mum x

And God told Moses, “Strike the rock two times.”

So Big yellow is riding again!

She’s taking us down to Devon to go and view a theatre for the musical tour later this year and we had to stop in a car park to grab something and when we started BY up again she wouldn’t work.

For two long hours BY was stuck, we had people come and try to fix it and we even called the former mechanic and stuff to see if they could help.

Everyone gave up and called it a lost cause, said we’d have to give up and get a wrecker to pull her home.

While on the phone to the wrecker company Mum heard God tell her, “What did you do last time?”

(This had happened before.)

Mum said, “We slammed the bonnet.”

God said, “Do it again.”

So we did it again, Noah slammed the bonnet and I turned the key.


One more time.

Noah slammed the bonnet.

I turned the key.

Everyone praying as they breathed.

At the same time dads booking a wrecker the bus roars to life after two hours of silence!

Moses struck the rock twice like God told him.

We slammed a bus bonnet twice like God told us.

BY is now purring her way down to Devon!

Ain’t our God good!!

Thought you’d all like that miracle:)

Love flower girl xx ❤️